HOW THE HELL DO YOU ADVENTURE WITH A NEWBORN?
And other ways I used my paternity leave.
In March, Zoe and I welcomed our son Wesley to the world. He is a big and healthy boy and holy shit, its already the best adventure I have ever set out on. Parents always tell you its good but honestly, I didn’t expect it to be this good. He is only 8 weeks old and doing all the right things and I am so excited to share the world with him. I’ve got some big plans for us and our family.
As someone who cant sit still or concentrate for very long, I’ll admit that for me the down time at home with a new baby is what I am finding the most challenging. I am very much enjoying the newborn phase, a lot more than I even expected, but I am sure Zoe is already sick of hearing about every camping trip and father-son weekend I’ve planned as I pace around the house. “Is he finished feeding yet, can I take him for a walk to the beach” - eye-roll's from Mum ensue.
I am careful not to wish this precious time away but I do spend a lot of time thinking about the adventures I want to experience with my boy. He’s already locked into a Land Rover trip with Brook and his son Austin, a paddle trip with Veary and his boy Indy and I’ve already expressed interest with his grandma about which of her paddocks will be turned into his motor-cross track (no success yet but I’ll keep working on that one). Its been fun to let the imagination drift off in the wee hours of the morning whilst Wes is settling down with another episode of “Outdoor Boys” on YouTube in the back ground.
A dreamer but also a realist, I know I have a good 5-10 years before these ideas can realistically begin to happen so I had to figure out how I could best insert some micro-adventures into my first few moments with Wes and Zoe. I felt like some micro-adventures, small ones that only take up to an hour, would be perfect for household sanity.
Fully aware that my time at home is best utilized looking after my wife and baby (which of course I make my priority), I am convinced that if I do it properly, I can set an early precedent for Wesley. I want him to know he is born into a fun and active family, I’d love him to value adventure and curiosity as much as I do and of course, it would be great if he thought his dad is a bit of legend.
Now I am not a complete idiot or a selfish asshole so I knew my micro-adventures could not be at the cost of my new family time and schedule. They had to be short and sharp or done in conjunction with everyones rest. My rule was if Zo and Wes were fed, rested, changed and happy then I would give myself a green light to propose an idea to Zo. It sounded easy, but learning how much a newborn eats and shits, it was easier said than done.
Anyway I am no expert but I had a few ideas that were good for family time and some that were good for solo time, they are nothing ground breaking or new but they allowed me to be creative, get outdoors and slowly chip away at getting the three of us out and about together. Here’s some of the things I tried.
Our first family photo: I really loved the idea of us getting a great first family photo. I wanted to take the dog, involve my Land Rover and go to a nice local spot that looks out across a local farm. I had a favorite spot in mind, it was amongst some nice trees and it was close enough that it wouldn’t be a bother getting there. Zo was feeling good and up to it so I headed down the road to set up the Landy.
Of course in five years of walking past the spot I had in mind, that day was the one day that the farmer had decided to pull down his fence and do some planting with an excavator, completely ruining my backdrop. Considering it was his farm, I let it slide and kept going down the road. A neighboring farms driveway was looking very green and lush so we decided to turn the driveway into our photoshoot.
Self timer, tripod and a couple of fresh Nike ACG outfits courtesy of Zoe, we looked cool and the photo came out great. I hope Wes will see this when he is older and think his parents were cool.
The half an hour outside surrounded by nature was a nice little outing for us all and if anything, I got a little squirt in the Landy with my dog sitting beside me - whilst I had a moment with Nina I took the chance to apologize to her about the fact that she no longer reigned supreme in the Walker house.
Over the top with the food: Zoe loves food, I love food, this boy will love good food.
One of the things that helped us out the most was when friends and family gifted us meals that were easy to reheat, it took away one extra thing we had to think about when learning our new routine as parents. We had that many pies, lasagnes and curries - it was really helpful and delicious (thank you if you’re reading!). This is a friend hack I never knew was so important and I’ll be doing my best to pay forward - bring food!
Regardless of our full fridge and freezer, also thanks to Zoes meal prep frenzy whilst nesting, I wanted to incorporate some over the top cooking into our days spent at home. Experimenting with the new Gozney pizza oven, cooking with locally foraged pine-mushrooms and enjoying some lavish seafood made lunches at home stand out, breaking up a routine that can easily feel like groundhog day.
We were gifted the lobster from my mate Angus and won the meat raffle at the local pub (5 kilograms of fresh prawns) which both helped take the quality of our cooking up a notch (not hard to beat foraged mushrooms I guess). A day planning a fancier, maybe more complex meal injected a small amount of adventure in our home. I enjoyed the effort required in both planning and execution, but I got most satisfaction out of feeding Zoe something new, fun and tasty.
I want to create a sacred space for my new and growing family around the dinner table, like I had growing up. Somewhere that we can share ideas and stories together over good food and drink. This was a great start and was amplified with some amazing Autumn weather.
We also ventured out and about as soon as Zoe felt confident to do so. With Wes asleep in the pram, Mum and Dad enjoyed some mid week lunches out locally at some of our favorite spots escaping our living room and enjoying the time together.
Socialising: Zoe and I are super lucky that we are both part of some big and close friendship groups, we are surrounded by awesome people and thats something I don’t take for granted. With a lot of babies in these groups, Wesley is going to be a very social guy himself.
One thing I have learnt with parenting is there are a million different styles for a million different people and you just need to do what works for you. Some are very contentious (I guess because people are so passionate about parenting) and socialising is one of those areas.
Our style was that the second we see friends or family, we give them Wes. Nothing better than seeing your mates hold your kid. Seeing one of my bestie’s, Eddy, wrap his arms huge arms around Wes is one of my favorite things ever. Putting a Guinness in pram cup holder when you’re out with people is fun also.
One thing I found challenging was remembering the correct social load appropriate for Mum and Baby. I did have to cancel a few things because I forgot this rule and it was unfair on Zoe, but I quickly learnt how much was a good amount and I flew pretty close to that marker.
As the Dad, if I nailed the timing and took care of all the incidentals before and after we left (nappy change, load pram, stock nappy bag), then I could ensure Zo and I had a great day after charging the social battery
Now one thing I didn’t expect out of pure ignorance was the amount of down time you have with a newborn. Mum needs to rest and newborns sleep a lot. On night 2 or 3 after Wes arrived, I found myself doom scrolling more than usual so I vowed to find something to do that could curve my already high social media usage.
I loved 3D modeling at uni and I’m very intrigued by 3D printing so I spent a night researching some software, ordered a 3D printer to home and began what I’ll call my first solo micro-adventure.
3D printing for idiots: After getting the hang of the software, I found this little venture a good way to utilise my down time productively and it scratched some form of creative itch I guess. Whilst Wes slept next to me, I learnt the programs TinkerCad and Bambu Studios and played around for hours.
I ended up creating a bunch of fun items for my Land Rover mainly, starting with some coffee cup holders and a knife holder for the dash. Other dumb stuff like motorbike club key rings and Postie bike accessories were fun and good ways for me learn techniques within the programs.
Through my Land Rovers instagram page, a heap of people wanted one of the cup holders and I ended up selling enough of them to cover the cost of the printer then some, funny how these things happen.
I’m proud of the way I used my downtime. I learnt some skills, stretched my creative muscles and felt productive and all with my son by my side. Although the things I have made are trivial, maybe one day I can share some skills with him and he will go on to great things in the design world. Who knows, dream big.
The Postie beer: With my KTM parked up for a couple of months, I fell back in love with my Postie bike whilst on paternity leave. A run to the supermarket for supplies or pharmacy for Zoe was an excuse to let it rip on my favorite toy, giving me small tastes of motorcycle joy.
Inspired by my good mate Veary, who also had a new born but was unfortunately on the other side of the bay to us, I tried to get out on the Postie for some 15 minute rides for pleasure rather than chores. So if Zo was feeding, snoozing or just needed me to go and exert some energy, the trusted Postie would spring to life and tear down the street aimed somewhere scenic.
Again mentioning the good weather we had over Autumn, I’d ride between some of the farm land close by or head down the beach to a lookout, sometimes via the bottle shop to grab a singular beer. Don’t mistake this for me needing to “escape” or sneakily drink, it was just a way to clear the head with a ride and take a moment to appreciate where I am now in life, being a Dad.
Sometimes you just need to take a moment with youself to take it all in. These were mine. I’d race home as fast as the 110cc bike would take me, missing Wes in those small windows apart.
So as I wrap this up Wes is almost 8 weeks old and I think he has fit in nicely with Zoe and I and our life.
Being a parent is hard, but being a parent is so, so great.
Have I found it tricky saying goodbye to the endless freedom I used to have? Definitely!
But I am in the chapter of my life I have wanted to be in for so long, Dad mode activated. So now its just about getting used to the new normal and finding things to enjoy as a family that suit this current stage of our lives together and I think we are doing great at is so far.
I read somewhere that if you are worried about being a good parent, you already are a good parent. So I guess with the amount I’ve been worrying about being a good parent and being able to take Wes on as many adventures as possible, I need to realise I already am.
Also I couldn’t do any of this without such an amazing wife and baby-mama so shout out to Zoga. She’s the best mum ever and the way she tolerates my headspace, my pacing and my non-stop talking is incredible. I love Zoe, I love Wesley.
Wesleys first camping trip is just around the corner, so watch this space!